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Calling Rachel Dratch

2008-08-29T16:48:00Z

SNL writers, you just got one right over the plate…

Old John McCain just picked Sarah Palin, the mayor of the hockey rink at the end of the bridge to nowhere, to be his running mate.

Does anyone get this? Does he think it draws attention away from his age and illness? Does he think it makes him seem more in touch with those of us without outsize wealth? Is there some Republican rule about only picking individuals from disenfranchised groups if they sell out their values? Maybe all Republicans in Alaska are under investigation and the national party is trying to airlift them out? Maybe he wants to flank Russia, who knows…

Whatever the reason, he’s decided to emulate Dubya yet again by turning to his gut for a longshot hope.

It’s a shame, with Condi, he could have had stature if not sanity.
With Romney, we could have bolstered the strategic petroleum reserve by draining his hair.
Tim Pawlenty could have helped him lose Minnesota by fewer votes
Meg Whitman could have helped him sell a few of his houses.
Huckabee could have heaped on the honkies.

But nope… Sara Palin. Hockey Mom, PTA member, Transition lens spokesperson. Mr. Biden, you may begin.

PS Soundbite fans – check out the beginning of his intro speech – “twice is enough” – John McCain

Nancy Pelosi - $50 or best offer

2008-08-24T14:50:00Z

Current Speaker of the US House of Representatives

Comes with:
- Considerable private wealth
- Inability to articulate democratic ideals
- Wide selection of smart pantsuits
- Large pearl earings
- Outsized ability to attract polarizing criticism
- No facility to respond effectively to said criticism

Nancy is in great working order (barring the above). She'd be a great party boss for your dinner parties.
For the actual House, we're looking for someone who would be sure an asset to the party.

Trades considered.
No deliveries.

McCain-Cheney

2008-07-29T19:09:00Z

Has anyone else heard that McCain is strongly considering putting Cheney on the ticket for Vice President? Apparently he wants continuity in the war efforts... Oh no.

Sen. Stevens Corrupt. Are you surprised?

2008-07-29T19:05:00Z

Maybe we can put a prison at the end of this dirtbag’s bridge to nowhere. Just divert some of the work crews from the planned ANWR rigs. He can spend his time reading about how the intertubes work…

Corruption

Interplanetary Social Media

2008-06-12T17:32:00Z

It seems the Mars Phoenix lander (or at least some NASA public relations intern) has a Twitter account. You can follow along (almost live) with the progress of the mission. It’s written in the first person as if it were some Disney cartoon robot. The age of interplanetary social media has begun. Intergalactic Web 3.0 is surely around the corner.

I’d heard that the moon is a harsh mistress. Apparently Mars can’t shut up.

PS Do you know why Darth Vader can’t drink milk? (Answer posted at some point in the comments if no one beats me to it)

and Speaking of Fuckheads...

2008-04-12T02:17:00Z

Can I take Charlton Heston’s guns from his cold dead hands yet? It’s been a couple days, he should be good and cold.

And if you think I’m crossing a line here, take your indignation and spend just a minute thinking of the awful toll that the torrent of easily accessible guns takes on our country. Moses wouldn’t tolerate such a scourge on the poor. Or… you know. the killing…

Draft Team Romney

2008-04-12T02:09:00Z

Remember Mitt Romney’s gaff on the campaign trail? Sorry – let me narrow that down for you…

Do you remember when Mitt replied to a reporter’s question on why none of his five sons were in the military service of their country? He said that they were doing their ~~patronizing~~ patriotic duty of helping their country by serving his campaign for the presidency.

Let’s chalk up the political idiocy of that statement to too-tight magic underpants. But it begs the question…

Romney’s campaign is done. According to General Petraeus, troop withdrawls are to be frozen. Our military is, even now by its own admission, strained under the load of fighting two wars. Why can’t they serve now?

Native American Night

2008-04-12T01:54:00Z

Leave all the legitimate reasons that Jacoby Ellsbury should be starting in center field aside. Don’t think about his superior offense, his need for at bats, or the fact that Crisp is trade bait walking. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about Crisp’s anemic on base percentage either.

Tonight the Red Sox have the perfect opportunity to make a decision based on their new dogma, Marketing. Why is this night different from any other night? Wait for it… it’s Native American Night at Fenway. Yes Jerry Phlemy has informed his loyal accolytes that tonight the Red Sox are honoring Native Americans and they’ve got their own version of a reservation for their own Native American – The Bench.

If they’re not working off of stats or baseball insight, and they’re not working off of marketing, what in the hell are they thinking? Could someone explain this to me?

Go ahead and say Coco’s defense… See if you can do it with a straight face.

Enough Shaky Cam!

2008-02-20T03:40:00Z

Memo to modern day directors: Get a fucking dolly already!

Ok. I feel better.

oh the humanity

2007-10-03T23:21:00Z

&*#$%#@)

Tiki lives up to his name...

2007-09-04T18:28:00Z

Tiki Barber is living up to his name. Come on Tiki – Fade away for a while, then return as a commentator we can respect and remember well.

First Rate Soup

2007-08-23T16:00:00Z

Breaking with my theme of selfish whining, I offer the following recipe for soup (first rate of course) from my mom. Perhaps with some readership, she might share others.

This soup is best made at the end of August, when cranberry beans are in the farmer's markets:

2 lbs fresh cranberry beans, shelled (yielding 3 cups)
1/2 lb bacon, cut into 1 inch pieces
2 cups onion, diced
2 cups celery, diced
2 small (14oz) cans chicken stock
1 small can diced tomato, drained
1 cup Orecchiette (or other pasta)

In a stockpot over medium heat, carefully render out all the fat from the bacon. Remove the browned bacon bits and set aside.
Add onion, celery and sweat until translucent.
Add the beans, cooked bacon, 8 cups of water and chicken stock. Once a boil is reached, lower heat to maintain a simmer for roughly 75 to 90 minutes or until the beans are tender.
Add tomato and orecchiette and cook until tender, stirring occasionally so the pasta doesn't stick to the bottom and burn. This may require additional water as the soup thickens.
Salt and pepper to taste at the end.

asterisk

2007-07-24T00:57:00Z

Considering the litany of inane talking heads in the world of sports commentary and the general level of discourse (enough for a toddler to drown in, but seemingly not much more), I figure I may as well add my own thoughts to the Barry Bonds imbroglio.

Here’s my suggestion for how we as baseball fans should react when he hits No. 756:

Stop calling him Barry. If he’s taking a beloved record by dubious means, why should we even call him by name.

Now, what should we use instead? How about:

*

Let him and everyone else know that in our minds, Hank Aaron is still the king of the longball. For those of you who say that nothing has been proven, you’re right. He deserves all the due process that our legal system provides… as far as the alleged criminal activities are concerned.

But based on his silence in response to the countless allegations of cheating, in my opinion, he deserves to be shamed.

It’d be great to see this (a giant lone asterisk) on fan’s signs around the ballpark as he hits the last one out, but that’s probably wishful thinking.

Shuffle is a bitch move (santa)

2007-07-09T17:20:00Z

Hung out with a bunch of folks this weekend, iPods orbiting through speaker cradles and cars.

It’s clear. A curated playlist is far superior to a straight shuffle. Playlists express the DJ’s ideas on how the works interact. Shuffle offers surprise, but nearly always jars the listener with out of place tracks.

Sure shuffle has its place. It’s fun to see what it might find next, play guess that song on long trips, but too often it flails across genre, media type (podcasts?), etc.

In case you were wondering

2007-07-05T15:28:00Z

I found this rather neat: Why your shower curtains curves inward